We've been conducting an unofficial study.

It started by accident. You sit at enough red lights in a Tesla and you start to notice something. People in the next lane look over. Every time. Without fail.

And they make a face.

Not the same face. There are variations. After fourteen months of observation across three cities, two Targets, and one very long drive-through line at In-N-Out, we've identified seven distinct versions.

This is our field report.

Face #1: The Glance-and-Snap

Duration: 0.3 seconds. The fastest of all seven. This person looks over, registers "Tesla," and immediately looks straight ahead again. Too fast. Suspiciously fast. The speed of the look-away is directly proportional to how much they've been thinking about buying one. Nobody looks away that quickly from something they don't care about.

Frequency: Very common. Especially in parking garages.

Face #2: The Slow Scan

This person starts at the front bumper and works their way back. Methodical. Appraising. They're not looking at you. They're looking at the car the way someone walks through an open house they can't afford yet. There's a slight head tilt near the rear quarter panel. Always.

What they're actually thinking: "How much do those cost now?"

Frequency: Common at stoplights. Extremely common in the Costco lot.

Face #3: The Lip Bite

We're not making this up. There's a face people make that involves a very slight bite of the lower lip. It's involuntary. It happens when someone sees something they want but haven't given themselves permission to want yet.

We've seen this face on twenty-something guys in Jeeps. We've seen it on moms in minivans. We saw it once on a man in a Porsche, which felt significant.

What they're actually thinking: Something they would not say out loud.

Frequency: More common than you'd expect.

Face #4: The Performer

This person makes sure you see them not being impressed. They look over, hold the look for exactly one second, then do a small dismissive thing. A tiny head shake. A barely visible eye roll. Sometimes they rev their engine, which is adorable.

The performance is the tell. Indifference doesn't perform. Only interest disguised as something else does.

What they're actually thinking: "I need to have an opinion about this that isn't the real one."

Frequency: Peaks during political seasons. Also common near gyms.

Face #5: The Question

Mouth slightly open. Eyebrows up by about two millimeters. This is genuine curiosity and it's the purest of all seven faces. This person doesn't have an opinion yet. They just saw something that doesn't match the cars around it and their brain is processing.

These are the future owners. They just don't know it yet.

What they're actually thinking: "Huh."

Frequency: Common everywhere. Most common in towns where Teslas are still relatively new.

Face #6: The Mirror Check

This person doesn't look at the Tesla directly. They use their side mirror or rearview. Plausible deniability. They want to look but they don't want to be seen looking.

This is the most human face on the list. We've all done a version of this about something. Checked someone's Instagram from a friend's phone. Looked at a house listing "just to see." Googled "Tesla Model 3 lease" in an incognito tab.

What they're actually thinking: Whatever it is, they're not ready to share it.

Frequency: Hard to measure accurately, because the whole point is that they're hiding it.

Face #7: The Nod

One Tesla owner to another. Small. Subtle. No words necessary.

It means: "You too? Nice."

It's the same nod motorcyclists give each other. The same look people exchange when they're wearing the same obscure band's t-shirt. It's recognition. Not of a brand. Of a decision.

What they're actually thinking: Exactly what you're thinking.

Frequency: Increasing.

A note on methodology:

This study is not scientific. Our sample size is "a lot of stoplights." Our control group is "the faces people make when a Camry pulls up," which is none. Nobody has ever made a face at a Camry. This is also data.

We will continue monitoring and report back.